Art at the Cottage

Summer DIY Projects - a new deck for out back entry



All I can say is, we should have done this years ago... about a thousand dollars of investment and labour and we love it to bits. The new deck is getting so much use, it helped us appreciate this summer better than any other year. 

Below are some before and after pictures...

Before: Back entry before the deck

Design: Planning the deck to not require a permit application which means keep it under two feet high and not attach it to the house so that differential movement does not damage either structure.

Kaya and Alex tacking in the boards to keep them from twisting overnight - three to five screws each. later Alex would secure the remaining screws.



Construction: Tara helping put in the stair treads. we used the kids plastic slide as a step ladder during construction. we used off-ends for risers for easy snow removal - as you will see in later images.

All finished and decorated - I love the green plastic Adirondack style chairs and yellow benches that we refinished from discards years ago.

We added some christmas LED lights for the night-time enjoyment - you can just about read by them.



Alex was very proud of his handy work, so was I. notice the risers are cut so we can shovel off snow easier.



Tara on a Saturday afternoon



Seasonal flowers



Enjoying our new outdoor living room with family

The New Floors! - Why, it's a new HOUSE!!

2 parts Red Mahogony and 1 part Ebony stain
warm brown with grades of grey
neutral, modern but with a nod to traditional



Main Hallway with new quarter round moulding - which was a story unto itself.



We bought a 50s house with 90s carpets all over. It was white once, many moons ago, but after 8 years of dog and kids and associate spills and mishaps it would never be the modernist canvass that a white carpet can aspire to be. It took us eight years of second guessing to pull up the carpet to reveal heavily waxed but great red oak floors under neath. pulling out the carpet and the million associated staples was literally a pain in the back. It took us about a month to get it all out of the house, and we are still getting rid of the carpet rememnants... one load at a time.

But oh the new floors, they are so awesome! Smooth, clean, shiny... (Mocha is not happy with them, but then his furry feet find no purcchase on these new floors) and despite what people said, we only sweep our dark hardwood floors once a week or so.

The Annual Jackson Family Letter 2013

LETTER TEXT

Winnipeg plowed through 11 million dollars in snow clearing in January alone of 2013, twice their anticipated budget. A further casualty of old man winter that month was Alex's little car. Hidden behind massive snow banks and any signs of roadway obliterated by freshly fallen snow, Alex got T boned by a truck coming out our back lane. Tara's broken finger was the only human casualty, but her cast was quite the hot accessory at school (no pun intended). We got a respectable 4x4 SUV to replace the little compact car and now completely embody the Winnipeg suburban family unit.

The kid's grand parents moved out this summer and we quickly got over the empty nest syndrome. It was a double blessing as it gave Tina a reason to spend countless hours at IKEA.

This was also the year that we finally pulled out all the old carpet and a thousand staples and had our hardwood floors refinished. It was the best decision we ever made. Our only regret was that we hadn't done it sooner.

As usual our summer was spent soaking up the sun at home and at the cottage. Kaya and Tara both love the water and we got in some canoeing this year at Coney Island. K and T also had a blast travelling to Minneapolis for a completely child centric mini vacation (water parks, amusement parks, Lego land and Minneapolis children's library). Tara had a great soccer season.
This summer Kaya transitioned into a big girl bed in a bedroom shared with big sister Tara. Despite Alex's misgivings the transition has worked out great and the sisters are closer than before. Kaya also transitioned into Tara's awesome daycare and our lives are so much simpler for it. Kaya continues to be her amazingly clever self, speaking in complete sentences, rocking jigsaw puzzles and slowly moving towards toiletting independence.

Tara remains utterly sweet and generous with her peers and sister, showing emotional intelligence beyond her years. She had started to read level one books by the end of kindergarten and in the last month she has moved up to chapter books. I am thinking of introducing her to Tolkien... Also she is a pretty good story writer/illustrator herself. These days she is working on mastering "carry overs" in addition and multiplication tables. We are glad that the Manitoba curriculum has gone back to traditional math! Her latest passion is making elastic band bracelets on her home made loom. She's been making one for everyone in her classroom; did I mention she was generous?

Tina moved into a management role this year with Manitoba Housing's Asset Management team. She is managing a group of professionals and developing technical skills in-house, from scratch. It brings a cartload of new challenges, skills to master and wisdom to develop, but, it also comes with a sense of doing some good in our communities and opportunities that come from having a blank slate.

Alex started out the year teaching at a Catholic private school and they invited him back for another extended term in September that runs into the coming new year. He's well liked and making a difference in the school by taking on extra responsibilities, providing the students coaching in composition, running the book fair...

As our very busy year draws to a close, we are hoping to connect with friends and family again. We hope the bitter cold of December also brings some light and joy in your homes. We discovered new things, learnt new skills, overcame setbacks and all-in-all, we had a good year. We hope the new year is just as good to all of us. Happy 2014.



R.I.P. Dear Versa and Of Perils of Winter Driving

"Winnipeg has already plowed through close to half of its annual snow-clearing budget after last month's heavy snowfall.

This morning, city officials revealed it cost Winnipeg about $11 million to clear snow from city streets in January - nearly twice as much as the $6 million they originally budgeted for."



Well apart from the budget casualty, one of our two cars fell prey to winter driving this year. Alex was just coming out of the back lane one morning in January, flanked by two massive snow banks on either side, following a night of light snowfall when POW! This minor snowfall had as usual obliterated all evidence of curbs, ruts and street markings and Alex was taking Tara to daycare in a bit of a rush when he got T-boned (side impact collision) by a rather large pick up truck. Neither of them saw the other coming, the truck was large, white and camoflaged amidst the freshly fallen snow and Alex's Nissan Versa was shorter than the 8 foot tall snowbanks.

"It was POP! and then we kind of swooped and I was dizzy"



This is very similar to what Alex's car looked like except it was bashed in on both sides  by the truck and a hydro pole. Actuall this is fairly familiar site that you pass by on winter mornings, thanking your lucky stars that it wasn't you today.



That is how Tara describes the collision, three airbags went off and the only injury was a broken middle finger for T. The Nissan however, we could tell, was history. Our insurance adjuster calculated that it would be $15K to fix our dearly departed (It had only cost us $14K to buy new...). The two driver side doors were crushed from the impact, three airbags had deployed, side mirrors smashed, and the car had been turned and pushed into a electric pole and the large snowbank on the opposite curb, collapsing the passenger side quarter panel as well as the front fender... only thing untouched on the outside was the hatch and the roof! We knew before the car was towed away that that was the last ride in it for Alex.

the Versa at the Manitoba Insurance "graveyard"

I actually saw this happen as I drove up 45 seconds behind Alex, not realizing it was them till I saw Alex scamper out of the car... that should tell you how high the snow banks were.

I hear my dad saw 5 cars in ditches that evening on his way back from work. If we could sue the city for damages I would consider a class action suit for all the car crashes. This happens every year and after every fresh snow fall around the city. The plows clear the streets and pile the snow on curbsides making visibility at crossings impossible!! Now a month later, I am still driving blind at intersections, on severly snow-rutted roads that seem to push the cars towards each other in an inexorable collision course. However, as a result of the car crash, we now own a bigger (higher) and brighter (red) vehicle with four wheel drive. I cannot say enough good things about side impact airbags and carseats though: they kept the daddy and daughter safe - which we are all thankful for. The new RAV4 is supposed to be our answer to our winter reality. This is why Winnipeggers are cross every January-February... the wonder of winter wears off with the twelve days of Christmas to be replaced by snowy-slippery-rutted roads to be follwed by slushy, gravelly, icy, pot-holey, mucky roads of March. If you go off on a holiday to escape the winter doldrums, you often come home to your car moated and buried under snow and a slew of parking ban tickets.... grrr.

Notice the yellow ticket sticking out for the overnight parking ban and that grey snow is hard-as-rock stuff and heavy to boot, heart attacks are not uncommon from trying to manually clear this concrete like snow.

 

Good luck to any pedestrian trying to walk home from the bus stop, on the street with next to nothing visibility.


O, can you tell that I hate Spring! And as if that is not enough, the snow ploughing on the sidewalks is everybody's last priority forcing pedestrians down onto the slippery streets. Motorists hate it because they are sometimes unable to control their vehicles due to the snow ruts and the black ice that forms on the roads from the tires compressing and polishing the snow at every intersection... and when all this now is gone we'll have a fresh crop of potholes to deal with in April. JOY.

Busy, Festive, October

Our two kids are getting older... the little one, following in the footsteps of her big sis has developed a "juto" (shoe) love. It's usually the first word out of her mouth in the morning... as she reaches for her shoes on the change table while I change her soaky diaper. She has several pairs, but the bigger the shoes, the more she lusts after them. (Dad beware!) In fact, every morning while we head out the door, she insists on getting her big sister into the appropriate footwear and then screeches as she is left behind with dida. They are becoming quite the unit, which is why this year I decided to dress them as related characters for Halloween. T wanted to be the Big Bad Wolf, so K naturally became Little Red Riding Hood, I tried to convince the dad to be the Woodcutter but he declined, since I wasn't going as the Grandmother. Technically, at 36 I could be a real grandmother, but I shudder at the thought of @##ning a child at 17 who goes on to repeat the deed! But, I digress (terrible sentence structure, I know darling). Since we knew what the kids were going to be for Halloween I serched for a costume for about three weeks, gave up and then made my own. Everyone loved the long braids on K, but I tried them around the house too, silly mum.





K the Little Red Ridinghood and T the Big Bad Wolf

And as usual, I have jumped ahead to the end of the month, of course October began with pent-up rain fall, new garbage collection rules (and associate woes) and the Thanks Giving (TG) long weekend, which we Canadians celebrate well before the US one. Confusing, I know. Canada is not the 51st American state in all things after all. We had two TG dinners, one with Bengali Kosha Patha'r Mangsho (Goat Curry) and one with roast chicken, stuffing and all. T was really enthusiastic about helping in the kitchen, for about 5 minutes because Bubble Guppies were on at the same time on TV. She however made sure that I had included brussel sprouts on the menu (!).

sitting down to the second Thanks Giving dinner

The Pathar Mangsho (Goat Curry) was a modified version of this recipe from the Bong Mom's Cookbook who reminded me of our similar tradition of eating goat curry on sunday afternoons when I was a kid growing up in India. Also the goat was going to be the last meat my parents were allowed to eat before the prelude to Durga Puja, Mahalaya, happened. Since my dad was officiating again this year at the only proper Winnipeg Durga Pujo, he was off being a proper Brahmon for the duration.

Three sets of unrelated Chakraborty-s performing the Pujo, what are the odds?



At the 2012 Sarbojanin Durga Puja, Winnipeg



We (Alex, I, T and K) headed out and attended as much as our kids and jobs allowed but I think my parents had a blast everynight. I had some home-made Sandesh at the puja and loved it so much that I came back home and reproduced it the next weekend for Lakkhi Pujo. By all accounts it was great but I didn't make near enough. Monday morning when I left for work, there were about a dozen on a plate, by the evening there were two left, of course no one remembers eating them. All this cultural cooking has my husband worried, he hasn't seen a steak in months, I remind myself of the beef recall to assuage my guilt. I even made him a mint-chocolate cake this weekend (he'll tell you HE baked himself a cake, I just iced it) to make up for all this sudden onset of Bengali-ness, but that just has him worried about my sudden domestic enthusiasm. I blame it all on having to sew those costumes... creativity spawns creativity. It's a vicious cycle but I will draw the line at knitting.

Sunday Morning Waffles - guest post from Fragmentals

Since I have been talking of family and food lately, I thought I had to post this, especially for my bong side of the family. Sunday morning waffles are a bit of a tradition at our house now, established post baby with a recipe Alex found in his Grandmother's old and faded cookbook. Alex has adapted the recipe to serve the two and a half of us and to make it a tiny bit healthier. The original recipe bases portioning on the assumption that one requires a 5000 calorie (!) diet, probably from the days of trudging uphill to church (uphill, both ways). Our biggest challenge to making this tradition stick is to get Alex out of bed. It is usually a concerted and protracted effort by the girls and me resulting in a lot of bargaining, cajoling, tickling and guilting.



T in her apron


Alex must have recorded one such Sunday morning because what he reproduced in his "stream of consciousness" post at his blog, FRAGMENTALS, is brilliantly accurate and therefore hilarious. I have guest-posted his blog entry below followed by the actual recipe. The really hilarious part is that I have trouble telling myself apart from the kids in the scene below.

 

The waffle iron has a permanent home on the red tile trivet, we never seem to put it away except for pictures


 Sunday Morning Waffles - The Reprise - A Stream of Consciousness Conversation


What time is it?

I don't know

It's time to get up.

No it isn't.

Come on, I'm hungry.

I'm tired.

Dad!!

The kid's are up. The sun is up. Make some breakfast.

You make breakfast!

Daaad! Make breakfast!!

Fine. Do you want cereal?

Waffles! Waffles! Waffles!

Do we have bacon?

Bacon! Bacon! Bacon!

I think so. You'll have to check.

Why don't you check!?

Dad! Don't be grouchy!

Fine. Help me up and go to the kitchen.



We need a measuring cup...that's a drinking cup, we need a measuring cup...No a measuring...I'll get it. This is a measuring cup. Get the bowl. The plastic one. Good, now hold it.

I wanted to!

You get the flour.

I wanted to get the flour!

Fine, you take the bowl, and you get the flour. Don't spill it. Careful, grab it by the...no don't!...Get the broom. How much is left? Let me see...There's enough, we only need two cups.

Can I scoop it?

I'll do it.

Why can't I?

You're holding the bowl. How about I scoop and you pour it in?

But I wanted to do that!

You pour the first cup, and you can pour the second. One...Two...Good...Now sweep up the floor please...The floor...I'll do it. Get the salt. Stop! Don't pour it in, we only need half a teaspoon. And a teaspoon and a half of baking powder. No not baking soda, the powder...in the can not the carton. Good.

What's it taste like.

Like powder.

Can I try some?

Uh...Sure.

Hey! Don't let her eat that!

It tastes funny.

Oh yeah?

Did you find the bacon yet?

I haven't even looked, we just started. Okay 2 cups of flour, 1/2 teaspoon of salt, 1-1/2 teaspoons of baking powder, and now 1 teaspoon of cinnamon.

I'll get it!

No don't! The lid's not...on...Sweep it up please. There should be enough left in the jar. Fill up the teaspoon. Good, now put it in.

I wanted to do that!

You dumped most of the cinnamon on the floor! Clean it up.

Mom!

Your Dad said clean it up. I don't think we have any bacon. Do we have sausages?

I don't know. Can you get a cup of water and a cup of milk and pour them in? I need a big spoon.

I have to wash my hands.

Fine, can you do it after you clean the floor?

Sure.

I'm still holding the bowl!

Good, give it here. Get two eggs, the whisk, and another bowl.

Here's the water and the milk.

Good, pour it in. Carefully, not on my...It's ok just a little spilled. Stir the rest in until everything is smooth.

Dad how do I do the eggs?

Crack them on the bowl. Now pull out the shells... We need to separate the yolks. Like this.

Ewww!!!

Look Dad, I'm stirring!

Good, now stir in these yolks.

Ewww!!!

Take a fork and whip the egg whites until they're stiff.

Ha, ha. You said stiff.

Not funny girls. Stir a little more slowly, don't spill.

Are the sausages ready?

What sausages dear?

I asked you for sausages.

You what? When?...I didn't...I think we have some bacon, just wait. Is the dog outside?

Yes, he's barking.

Let him in please.

My arm hurts.

I'll finish the egg whites, you get a teaspoon of vanilla and two teaspoons of apple sauce.

Okay now what?

Put them in.

Why do we use applesauce?

It replaces the oil.

Why?

It just does.

The dog's barking at the neighbors.

Then let him in! Can you get the bacon out of the fridge?

Fine. Come. Inside. Now. Come, come on...he's not coming.

Come! Inside! Now! Good boy.

I think I'll shower.

Good idea, pass me the frying pan, I found the bacon. How many pieces?

3!

6!

5!

All of it!

Two each then. The egg whites are done, fold them in and take out the waffle iron. I'll do the bacon.

I want to!

Okay just lay them out in the pan and use the spatter shield. Turn the element to medium.

Can I watch T.V.?

What? Who? You? Yeah, go ahead.

Yea!

I'm helping you Dad!

That's great, thank-you. Is the waffle iron hot?

I need to plug it in.

Fine do that. Can you set the table too please?

Can I watch T.V.?

Sure. Tell your mother I'm making coffee. Do you want syrup or jam or what for the waffles?

Sure

All of them?

Sure

Butter and syrup then. Okay get out of here I'll let you know when everything's done.

Is it ready yet?

I thought you were showering?

I was, I am, I mean...I'm going to. How come no-one's helping you?

They did. How come you're not showering?

Fine I'm going. Give me a kiss.

Is breakfast ready?

It's just started cooking. Why aren't you two watching T.V.?

There's nothing on.

Yeah, nothing.

Set the table then.


And now the recipe... if you paid attention, you could almost find it in that post above.


Sunday Morning (A Waffle Recipe)


2 cups all purpose flour

1 teaspoon cinnamon

1/2 teaspoon salt

3 teaspoons baking powder

1 cup water

1 cup milk

2 eggs

2 tablespoons apple sauce

1 teaspoon vanilla extract.


Using a large spoon mix the dry ingredients in a large bowl. Add the milk and water. Stir until the mixture has a creamy consistency. Separate the egg whites. Add the yolks and the apple sauce to the mixture. Mix well. Whisk the egg yolks until they are stiff. Fold them into the rest of the mixture.

Heat the waffle iron until it sizzles as you coat it with a small amount of butter. This will prevent the waffle from sticking. Pour the waffle mix into the waffle iron until it is about 3/4 full. Cook until golden brown. This mix should produce 4-5 waffles 8" in diameter.    

Fragmentals is the writing blog of Alex Jackson. Fragmental is a geological term for pieces of rock found where they shouldn't usually be found. They are incomplete and do not blend in with the typical formations. These writing fragments are just that.



Alex feeding K



Chronicles of the TO trip

I had perhaps put on record my recollections of our summer trip to TO, NJ and NY before they melt away...


Gord and Nadine’s Wedding prompted this trip to the Canadian and American Megapolis-es. Gord is Alex’s BFF, regardless of less than auspicious beginnings (that is Alex’s story to tell) and he had stood in as Alex’s Best man during our wedding and this would be Alex’s turn to do the pretty. However we were travelling with two children (one infant) and it escapes me why we decided to take the LO (little one) with us. She had three pieces of luggage all by herself and the rest of us three had two! When we arrived at the Toronto airport was when I first appreciated how good the Winnipeg airport was: child friendly, clearly labelled, free baggage carts, helpful airport security folk... Toronto airport must have made a bad impression on me because I still haven’t been able to shake off my hate on Toronto and I LIKE big cities!



We arrived in the middle of a heat wave with two children, a pile of luggage, limited smart phone access and all the stress of being the spouse of someone in a wedding party. Alex wasn’t much use other than being decorative (he is that) regarding the wedding. Inspite of the children being very well behaved the logistics of getting to the ceremony alone with two kids was pretty challenging and kept me awake at nights. Gord and Nadine had us over for the rehearsal BBQ at their place the evening before the wedding and we met some of Alex’s school friends the next day for brunch. Erin O’ came to our rescue and offered to help out with the transportation to the ceremony. Now the wedding was on a Boat on Canada Day along with myriad other harbour-front activities making finding parking a serious challenge. As it happens we were 10 minutes late getting to the boat, we had warned against it, but we got lost! Of course the bride and groom having anticipated such things had actually asked their guests to arrive earlier (unbeknownst to us!!) so nobody missed the boat. The wedding itself was one of the more entertaining weddings I’ve been to, complete with a fun and choreographed first dance. The couple got well wishes from passing boats including the Pride party boat. Tara had couple of girls to play with and do art with and she literally danced till she dropped. Alex and I probably got one dance late in the evening, on the top deck after the air had cooled down but in retrospect it was a great wedding. We had to carry Tara back a 20 minute walk and then cab it back to the hotel... that was a long day.

Canada or US, which country would you rather live in?

I read this article today, probably written by a Canadian, that got me thinking of my thankfulness for having made a great life-choice and opting to go to Canada for my post secondary education as opposed to the US as most Indian middle class kids do. Here is an excerpt from the article -

Canadians receive better social benefits such as healthcare, paid maternity leave and greater subsidization of their post-secondary schools. Both countries generally have around the same annual income. However, the cost of living in the United States is remarkably less. While Canadians may pay less for larger-life events, Americans pay less for day-to-day expenses such as eating and housing costs. Maybe it all evens out in the end, or perhaps one place really is better to live than the other.

When I made that choice, some thirteen years ago, I was not thinking of settling in this cold and obscure country. Little did I know about its universal health care or care about maternity benifits. Back home if you got sick, you hoped you had a connection to get into a hospital on time and had enough money to pay for it and with maternity leave, one got 3 months unpaid leave with no job security. Frankly I was healthy, young and far from family minded. The only thing that stood in my mind back then was the reputation that the US of A had for racial discrimination, riots, profiling, ghettos. I chose Canada because the university degree was cheaper beyond compare (especially for a middle class foreign student) and I felt I was less likely to be marginalised due to my colour.

Turns out that I made a choice wiser than I could have hoped for. I arrived in a very generous country, greeted at the airport by an ex-Pakistani family(!). I have since stopped marvelling at bus drivers that smile and greet you when you get on and friends that are welcoming, down-to-earth, and more often than not, a mixed racial group.

Five years ago, my husband and I were at a McCormick and Schmick's in Denver, CO. I remember noting that I must have have been the olny coloured patron at that restaurant, barring the servers who were all visible minority. This experience was repeated in Minneapolis which I used to think was more like Canada than US. I am not sure what my friends and former classmates from India, that chose to settle in the US, have to say to that. All the ones I have met have seemed fairly prosperous and happy. But since those trips to Denver and Minneapolis I have had a couple of kids. Starting a family is an expensive time in people's lives, you have baby stuff to buy, one parent is about to lose their income and then there are the associated medical costs. How we would managed had we lived in the States, I cannot fathom. Here the pre-natal care, delivery, post natal care, vaccinations all cost me nothing out of pocket. Or I should say nothing more than my income tax of 30% marginal rate. (Apologies for not having any idea what people earning the same as I do pay in the States). Knowing we would not be left with scary hospital bills post-baby helped us start a family.

Then two years back my parents moved to Canada and from the day they arrived they were covered for health care much to their surprise, and eligible for old age security in ten years.

It makes me think of the Mastercard commercial:

Two children - $0, one professional post graduate degree - $8,000 (actually got a $20,000.0 university grant for that so was ahead by $12K when I left), dad's heart surgery that I was on the hook for - $0. Zero discrimination (you guessd it) - Priceless!.

I can safely say that I have saved enough money to buy my 4 bedroom house outright (in theory).

This is not to say Canada is perfect, for one there is no recognition for foreign credentials, so don't be surprised if you find a dentist trained in Egypt running the hygenists mini autoclave for a job. Or a Philipino architect working as a technician. Then there is the political apathy, and yes, every consumer good costs about 20% to 30% extra no matter if the dollar is at par. I do love the fabulous cities of the US, built on cheap immigrant labour (even immigrants here make the legal minimum wage (unless they work in the publishing industry)), and yes, I will be heading south of the 49th to buy some cheap winter tires and perhaps some clothing. But I will always be glad to call Canada home.

Ten years of being a wife...

If I was playing a word association game with the word “wife”, I’d be a mass of conflicting feelings and ideas and agendas. I write this as I come to terms with having been one for the last 10 years. Is there an ideal for this word? And more importantly, do I want to be one? (IDEAL wife, that is. I am not questioning my current matrimonial status or choice of spouse).

When I think of being a wife, the two obvious women who come to mind are my mother and grandmother. Two entirely different kinds of wives, both strong and smart women. My grandmother (Ma) was my primary daytime care-giver till I was about eight, so of course the sun and moon revolve around my memory of her. She was married at the age of 16 (most likely) and had moved to New Delhi to set up house with her new husband by the time her first child was born (my mother). I remember all my uncles and aunts being married out of her house, which back then was my second home. I still think of her food as the true bengali home cooking, not my mother’s (who could never live up to Ma’s standards of clean Bengali flavours). I remember her tiny galley kitchen with its two burner gas stove and rows upon rows of baby formula cans (probably mine) that had been commandeered as storage jars for her staples. She had this tiny wooden pantry with a mesh screen to keep prepared food for the meals. Three meals were always cooked from scratch, so refrigeration was not a big factor except for milk. Even so, with all the power cuts we faced, milk was boiled several times a day. She made a pretty mean fish (Rui or Rohu = Carp) curry that I have never had the likes of, never. I have managed to almost copy her cauliflower curry (phoolkopi), fried eggplant (beguni) and egg curry (dimer dalna). She kept to a stricter order of brahminical food, that is, she would eat fish but not eggs and I am unsure of her stance on mutton (pathaa). Inspite of her aversion to eggs she would make this amazing pound cake for me on a stove top bundt pan, of all things. My grandfather, who was a national trade delegate to foreign countries, must have brought it back from one his many trips. My maternal grandparents had five kids, all successfully launched into the world, despite the fact that my grandfather (dadu) was mostly an absentee parent. Ma must have handled all the schooling, grocery shopping, household management all by herself, on foot. I would accompany her to the library once a week, about 30 minutes walk away, I knew she was well read and very knowledgable about world events. She also introduced me to the bengali children's fantasy literature. Much, much grimmer(!) stuff than the Disney princesses. Dadu was the traditional financial provider, but Ma held down the fort as a single parent all the months he was gone on his trips. She was universally respected, but not feared, a difficult balance to master.

My mother on the other hand was a light housekeeper and a full time working mom with a rich and busy socio-cultural life. Definitely universally feared and perhaps envied at times. She squeaked-by on, what I thought then, the bare minimum of mommy-wifey things. Now as an adult, with the primary responsibility for bringing in the bacon in the family, I realize that three meals a day from scratch are never going to happen in our household, not even on Christmas! My mother was married five years before she had me and I am an only child. My father contributed to all the time honoured things (read traditional) like family finances, doing all the banking, grocery shopping, dealing with trades and them some, like entertaining and rearing the child (while mommy was at rehearsals), squabbling with the local street sweeper and starching and ironing my mother's clothes being her prep cook, and sometimes shoe-sine boy.

Our own household is rather lax by comparison, much to my parents' consternation as laundry and cleaning never seems to happen on schedule. However, every so often, I will go overboard and cook something super elaborate that I would have spent the entire friday afternoon sourcing. Running around Winnipeg trying to find fresh goat or prawns are pretty much impossible tasks and can take up all day inspite of the internet and phone. Last month I made kulfi and faluda to satisfy my craving for introducing Indian "ice-cream" to Tara. Thankfully both the little ones are adventurous eaters, I cannot abide mac-n-cheese kids. I have even gone so far as to make rava dosa from scratch with coconut chutney. Now these are things I would have never learnt to cook had I lived in India. Women like me, in far flung places away from their homeland, post recipes for all manner of tradional cooking. God (?) bless these intrepid bloggers, unknowingly following in the tradition of Mrs. Beeton's Book of Household Management.

In the vein of word associations, Mrs. Beeton, who died of childbed fever with her fourth, brings to mind my latent armchair feminism (she died as a result of the condescension and ignorance of a breed of "gentlemen" doctors who felt they need not wash their hands before a delivery as their status as a gentleman percluded their hands from being dirty). I work in a field still rare for women and I have to admit willing oppression and callous disregard of female life brings out the tiger in me. I refer to the shooting of the 14 year old Pakistani girl for advocating education for girls (Malala -now there is movie about her). Then there is the 15 year old suicide from BC who was being bullied and blackmailed online... I hope I can provide a better world for my girls and open their eyes so that they are strong and ready to face the inequities of the real world that is still just as patriarchal and sexist as ever. This, despite the few good men in our lives. Amen, to the few good men.

10th Anniversary of our Union

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Manhattan, Day Two

Having packed up the night before with the intention of squeezing the last seconds out of New York, we set out of our hotel just before 10 am. It’s amazing that 10 am should become our new “early start” but that’s life with kids for us. We had till 3:00 pm to get back, on foot and the dual aim of going to that mecca retail: Macy’s at Times Square and the Grand Central Station. On our way to Macy’s as I navigated, I was puzzling over the map wondering at the mathematical skills of the old New York city official who stuck in three avenues between Third and Fifth (Lexington, Park and Madison). This really nice gentleman (he looked like a businessman headed to work) stopped by and gave me a friendly history lesson about how the commerce of a fashionable address led to shortening of the distance between avenues and thus the mathematical anomaly in naming the avenues between the Third and the Fifth. Now I did not expect a New Yorker to take note of random tourists... (we had a big camera and a map, we looked like tourists), but I was pleasantly surprised by the sense of ownership the resident seemed to have of their city which was a bit of a contrast to the Torontonian attitude of wilful avoidance of eye contact. Everyone seemed to be passing through TO, not many people seemed invested in the city. But, this is only a very superficial perspective.


We arrived at Macy’s to be received by doors that were not wheelchair friendly (stroller friendly) which by this point was not a surprise, and the ever-present construction site within and out. I had expected Macy’s to be big and bright and beautiful. Big it was, but not the other two. My enthusiasm diminished, we headed up to the children’s section and ended buying a couple of pairs of shoes at a very decent price. By this point we were famished and Tara had been promised another go at a NY hotdog (proclaimed as her FAVOURITE food by now). I was looking for a street vendor but Alex had the foresight to push us into an air conditioned restaurant on Broadway. They had the best chilli dog after Nirula’s in Delhi, so I was ecstatic, and the freshest onion rings (the waitress had to run out for onions while we waited). We also managed a washroom break for all and baby despite the fact that none of the restaurants we went to had any change tables... It is amazing how much like New Delhi, New York seemed to me, very densely alive and urban but not very inclusive of people with disabilities or young families. Winnipeg by comparison is so much more navigable with a stroller. Post lunch, Tara and I were captured by this little store selling all manners of sewing notions, beads and buckles and ribbons... very Victorian in concept and just as intoxicating to be in now as it must have been back before there was TV! They had everything from the humblest button to the most elaborate lace and bridal accessories, i could have happily lived there, but onwards we went.

 Le Carousel at Bryant park

Alex Juggles, Tara adds visual interest and Kaya is asleep in the back

Shiny New New York @ Bryant Park

By now I had got it into my mind that we must visit the Central NY Library too so we switched back from Broadway to the Sixth and ended up at Bryant Park by happenstance. It is such an awesome amenity pubic space. It was lunch hour so the park was busy with people grabbing their bag lunch while surfing the on free wifi and people watching. There was live piano and juggling demonstrations which Alex joined in. To Tara’s delight there was a wonderful carousel to ride and we took lots of pictures while Kaya had her post lunch nap in the stroller. We also stopped in at the children’s section of the NY public library on Fifth Ave. Kaya must have sensed the cessation of movement by this point as she woke up forcing us back out and back onto our route.

Grand Central Terminal and Chrysler Tower on 42nd Street

We walked back east on 42nd catching glimpses of my most loved NY skyscraper, the Chrysler building, someday I’ll have to go in, but I’ll probably be disappointed in the interior. We arrived at the Grand Central stn. With about an hour to spare and for once the inside lived up to our anticipation. It is truly beautiful and I tried to take pictures without a tripod, and probably didn’t succeed. We however, did discover a hidden gem in the Mac store on the second level plaza... Tara was kept busy watching a whole episode of My Little Pony while I caught up on emails before heading home to the ‘Peg.

Wish I could bring it home... Oh Beaux Art!

Kaya at GCT

ubiquitous picture

Oh Yeah for free Internet on a super fast macbook air

Lets go play outside

Tara at the climber at the Montrose school Mobius strip climber... check out the barbie pink knee and elbow pads! A 7 year old boy got her strted on the climber and then she shinnied up in no time :-). This picture was taken in our unusually warm April in 2012.

Below is Tara on the first day of house league soccer at River Heights, Team Tiger (Orange and Black). She is fast and great at following the ball but too small to body check anyone and too smart to offer herself up to get tripped up. We are happy, saves us trips the ER! She defended a goal today, that was pretty great.

Twirly, Whirly, Girly

This poem was composed and dictated by Tara Jackson on or about the third of April, 2012 while waiting for the results of her allergy prick test (no allergies).

She twirls and she whirls,
     and she never stops.
She can do what she do,
     and say don't say.

She makes the sun dizzy,
     and the moon too.

Understanding the Bengali Kulin Brahmin Caste

I am posting this so that someday Tara and Kaya have somewhere to look up their maternal heritage. Of course being only half Kulin Brahmin makes you not Kulin (pun intended) at all, nevertheless. Also after having this explained to me I now begin to understand those old bengali movies where a pretty young thing of a girl is forced into marriage to an old doddering man with one foot in the grave, promptly to be followed by the torturous life of a widow at age 15 on! Of course, re-marriage was never allowed for women. Joys of being s Kulin Brahmin girl must have been few other than the prestige and education made available at a younger age which was equal by few others.




Edit:  I do want to make clear my stand on all of this since many people comment on this post: people are people. Brahmins are no better than non-Brahmins, Hindus are no better than non-Hindus or agnostics or atheists. The only true determinant of humanity and goodness is how we treat people, especially people different than ourselves, people with no power over us. This post is not about celebrating a caste, its about knowing about myself and the things that have shaped my family history. Both good and bad.

I am told I am of Sanyal (Vatsav/Vatsya) decent on my father's side whose last name is Chakraborty and on my mothers paternal side I am a Maitra (Kashyap) from Bangladesh and on her maternal side I am a Roy, so a Rarhi Brahmin.

Since we are paternalistic society that makes me a Rarhi Brahmin (east Bengal) of Vatsya (pronounced Bot-so) Gotra. Well thank god for modernity, no one cares that I married a Canadian!

so here it is, the Kulin Brahmin system explained...

Tara and Kaya my beautiful and fortunate little half breeds!
They are hiding out under the couch in this picture as Kaya learns to scooch backwards.

Kulin Brahmins

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Kulin Brahmins are those Brahmins in Bengal who can trace themselves to the five families of Kanauj (Kanyakubja), Uttar Pradesh who migrated to Bengal. They were given immense power during the reign of the Sena/Sen kings who were staunch Hindus and did not encourage the practice of any other religion. The five brahmin families were differentiated by their gotras. The Kanaujiya/kanyakubj brahmins who settled in Bengal had the following gotras: (Shandilya, Bhardwaj, Kashyap, Swavarna and Vatsav/Vatsya); these gotras denote the Rishis whose followers the brahmins were.

Some of these kuleen families settled in Barendrabhoom and some in Rarhbhoom in what is present day Bangladesh. The descendants of these families became known as Rarhi and Barendra brahmins as per their settlement.

The common surnames of Rarhi brahmin family are (ranked equally):

• Mukherjee / Mukhopadhyay (Bharadwaja)

• Banerjee / Bandyopadhyay (Shandilya)

• Chatterjee / Chattopadhyay (Kashyap)

• Ganguly / Gangopadhyay(Shavarna)

• Khanna / (khan)

The common surnames of Barendra brahmin family are (ranked equally):

• Sanyal (Vatsav/Vatsya)

• Lahiri (Shandilya)

• Bagchi (Shandilya)

• Moitra (Kashyap)

Apart from these many others like Chakroborty, Bhattacharya, Ray/Roy, Roy Choudhury, Majumdar, etc., which are, indeed, titles conferred on certain privileged families from among the above mentioned surnames, could also be Kulin if they are Rarhi Brahmins. Khan and Chowdhury are titles awarded to many kuleen brahmin families because of their ancestral rule or profession.

The connection between the saraswat brahmins and kanaujiya/kanyakubj brahmins is this that during the Aryan migration the saraswat brahmins, called thus because they lived along the banks of the river saraswati, which began to disappear underground during Parushurama's time. These brahmins migrated to south, north and northwestern parts of the subcontinent.

Gaud Saraswat Brahmins The kashmiri pandits are of the same lineage as these saraswats and consider themselves to be pure Aryan because their descendants didn't mingle with the indigenous people. Those that settled in north India also went to what is present day Uttar Pradesh, where Kannauj is located From here they migrated to Gaud or Gour. From Gour, a small community comprising about seven families migrated to the South of the subcontinent.They were known as Gaud Saraswat Brahmins.

Kulin Pratha (Kulin System) was initiated by the Sena kings in Bengal whereby the kings gave land and power to the Brahmins to promote vedic principles in the society, leading to a strict and disciplined lifestyle. Simultaneously they also enforced strict rules on family and marriage rules on Brahmins, leading to the birth of Kulin Brahmins, an apex section/class/caste of the society. It was said that a person is Kulin if and only if all the 14 generations on his father's and mother's side were Kulin. This created a very problematic divide in the society. This was also opposed by many Brahmins. Yet it became a norm, probably because the kulin Brahmins got lured by the newly acquired power in the society.

Kulin Pratha was a very strict practice leading to many problems in Bengali society. If a daughter of a Kulin family doesn't wed in a Kulin family then the parent family loses their Kulin identity. These led to several problems like young girls getting married to old Kulin married men out of desperation of finding a Kulin groom. It was not uncommon for Kulin grooms to have several wives, most of which stayed at their parents home, just to be wed (for the sake of the ritual) to a Kulin and hence maintain their Kulin status.

Nowadays many Brahmins have shunned their Kulin identity and have mixed equally with all the Brahmins and non Brahmins in Bengal and other parts of India. It is hard to state the current stand of these families on Kulin Pratha. It may surface during the marriage process, but the young are not concerned.

Marriages and gotras

Marriages within the gotra ("swagotra" marriages) are banned under the rule of exogamy in the traditional matrimonial system. People within the gotra are regarded as kin and marrying such a person would be thought of as incest.

A much more common characteristic of south Indian Hindu society is permission for marriage between cross-cousins (children of brother and sister). Thus, a man is allowed to marry his maternal uncle's daughter or his paternal aunt's daughter, but is not allowed to marry his father's brother's daughter. She would be considered a parallel cousin who is treated as a sister.

According to strict Hindu tradition, the term gotra is used only for the lineages of Brahmin, Kshatriya and Vaishya varnas. Brahminical Gotra relates directly to the original seven "saptarishis" Rishis of the Vedas. Later, the term "gotra" was associated with broader meanings of any lineage, Brahmin or otherwise.

A common mistake is to consider gotra to be synonymous with clan or kula. A kula is basically a set of people following similar cultural rituals, often worshipping the same God (the Kula-Devata - the God of the clan). Kula has nothing to do with lineage or caste. In fact, it is possible to change one's kula, based on one's faith or Ishta-deva.

It is common practice in preparation for Hindu marriage to inquire about the Kula-Gotra (meaning Clan-Lineage) of the bride and bridegroom before approving the marriage. In almost all Hindu families, marriages within the same gotra are prohibited, since people with same gotra are considered to be siblings. But marriage within the kula is allowed and even preferred.


For commenters: Please note, do not post as *Anonymous*, I will likely delete your comment. The comments here are moderated by me, before they appear on the screen and I will not be permitting any rants or foul language nor anything I consider offensive.

I am no expert - if you want to learn more about your gotra, start here.